Potassium

So angst now coz she's been screaming at my bedside for the past 1 hr. She suddenly got angry because I left my clothes around the room. And from there she began her forever-and-ever-on-repeat life talkshow.

Sometimes I do think that I am really that a big burden to her. She always think that I am super lousy and a disappointment. She started screaming about me going overseas (Okay not as if I really went but those plans about going overseas but failed in the end). Now she is forcing me to a corner and told me to go and book a tour to bring them and grandma (at my own expense since I keep talking about going overseas). Whenever I started talking about tours with friends, she is always against the idea. She said if im so free I should spend more time on my studies or plan a trip for them to go together. For some reasons (which I think I told u before lah), they wont go overseas on their own and leave me behind. Neither would they leave my grandma behind. So they going oversead by themselves it totally a no-no affair and needn't be discussed further. And she said if im so "rich" (to be able to keep asking to go trips with friends), I should save up to pay my school fees in full or just save up to get my own place next time. She always tell me that if I wanna play, I should be studying instead. If I wanna play, I should enjoy with my hubby next time. Whenever I told her that NOW is the prime moment to enjoy life once a while (in terms of having nt much responsibilities at the moment that would lead to nt able to travel), but she won't buy it. Still, she say next time I would have a lot of time to travel with my hubby if I want to. I seriously think she doesnt trust my friends. From the examples that she doesnt trust me to travel with yi wen to bangkok or travel with boyu to jb for a few hours. She also threatened me not to bring it up again as it would bring unhappiness to both of them. She also say that next time when im working full time den I will have more say in things, by then maybe she will lemme go. but I told her it's only 1 year from now does it gonna make a difference? She said yes, when I earn my own keeping and get out of the house, yes, its gna make a difference. When I reach that stage she claimed she wont bother about where Im flying (but I doubt it totally). And she added that it would be 8-10 years (OK WTF OK)

And then she started talking about grandma (which made me totally teary and low morale) . She said that she wants to go overseas too but there's no one to bring her, and its only that our family is ABLE to bring her overseas. All my uncles cant do it (for the various numerous legit or unlegit reasons). Actually my parents said this before that they arent that adventurous and hence travelling isnt their top priority. But by throwing this whole travelling plan to me is like throwing me into the grave. I have never planned any tour AND HOW U EXPECT ME TO DO THAT WTF. You dont even lemme explore even JB, and how u expect me to plan something further. And she jus said go to the tour agency and look through their tour packages and jus throw money there and we can go already so simple. She said that we shall go during may-july period. But she totally knows im gna work my ass out (as usual) and by telling me to plan a trip at that period (Are you trying to push me to a corner again). And this has been going on for the pass 1 hr and I totally cannot take it anymore. And this is only the first part (lemme save this first).

And she went on about the marriage topic (somehow it jus linked). And about staying with in-laws topics. And many many more related stuff. And suddenly talking about flats. and talking about whats the soonest I could reach that stage. (she counted 5 years and she said that if I could get out in 5 years it should be a happy occasion). Den she mentioned about u, asking me whether 这个男人你会嫁吗? Then I said 会. Den she carry on saying about the houseworks, regarding who's gna do. At our own place, we need not worry so much on these aspect but once we are on our own we have to.

I just needed a listening ear but u r sleeping already and didnt wanna affect yr emotions for tml so I jus write it here u may see it next time. Till next time. Saranghae♡